Day Three: Melancholy

I was sad for most of the day.  Perhaps one reason is that my right foot has balooned into  a sort of elephant paw due to a sprained ankle.  Three perfect purple  hematomas are stamped on my elephant paw foot at the moment, marking me injured and unwell.

At work, I felt uneasy, like really irritated.  The job I was doing isn´t hard and it´s even a bit of a challenge,  but there is just this sense of blah-ness.  Like hell, I don´t want to do this any longer!

And then I go home and find out that Robin Williams is dead.  Apparently due to suicide.  Robin Williams was the teacher (Dead Poets´),  the Doctor (Awakenings), the forever young (Hook), and the romantic (Mrs. Doubtfire/What Dreams May Come) and the idiot adventurer (Jumanji) of my generation.  He was the Tom Hanks/Ben Stiller/Brendan Fraser of my generation, combined in just one neat package.   And so, now,  all I want is to find ways to be achild again.  I want to watch movies of Robin Williams until I am happy.  No, I lied.  I want to know why he did it.  How sad was he? How I can almost understand what it must have felt.  Alone in a noisy world.  Alone despite the crowds.

But I was not meant to be sad today, because just as I was preparing to go to bed,  little Syd sent a message on FB. Now Little Syd is my college bestfriend´s younger brother who is based in the US.  When I meant younger,  young as in, when we were in college,  I used to stay a lot at my bestfriend´s home in Clark.  It´s a great place, safe, full of greenery and that feel of American suburban life.  So anyway, back then, our little Syd was not even ten.  He is like a little brother, as he is even younger than my brother.  Well, fast forward now,  our little Syd is now all grown up, with a family in the States and he has the cutest, most adorable baby boy ever.    And so I told him how proud and  amazed we are that he has a super cute kid while  I and her sister (my bestfriend) are still childless, but at least S, her sister, is married. Ha!  True,  it  does make me feel old to watch the small kids of my teenage years  settle down and build a family.  But at the same time,  it also is a bit touching,  Syd, Sha and their siblings were like my second family all throughout college.  I was always at their house in Pampanga, and we had such fun then.  Sha and I, well, we are bestfriends for life. But it is nice to know that the bond extends to her ate and to little Syd.  As a gift from above,  Syd made a video of his cutie boy  saying hi to me.  Ah! The sunshine this  little kids can bring just by being themselves!

So I shall sleep now, not sad at all.  Reflective yes, but not sad, just thankful.